Reading Twilight

I really am still reading Twilight. And slowly, due to the note-taking. My current hypothesis is that the faster you read this book, the more likely you are to like it. If you slow down, you actually have time to think about it, and it comes out sounding like Alanis Morissette covering "My Humps."



It's only an hypothesis, based on one bad song and the fact that I'm pretty sure I could blow through this terribly long novel in the space of a day or two if that was my goal. It would probably be better that way. But I'm prolonging the agony for the sake of my two or three readers, all of whom are friends who warned me about this book's level of awful. (Willow's right. I'm a masochist.)

So without further ado, here are my...

Reading notes for Chapter 9 ("Theory") of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight:

• Edward knows your scent, Bella.
• This just gets better and better.
• Bella's mind doesn't work normally?
• No way.
• Edward drives too fast.
• Bella asks Edward about vampires.
• She doesn't care if Edward's a vampire.
• For some reason I start wondering if there's a necrophilia angle to this.
• I've never wondered that before.
• Why?
• "Vegetarian" vampire idea starts here.
• Edward worries about Bella when he's away from her.
• He also worries about her when he's with her.
• Edward worries about Bella all. The. Time.
• Obsessed much?
• This has been covered in previous chapters.
• Bella? Crying? Will wonders never cease...
• Edward gets Bella home.
• He warns her not to go into the woods alone.
• Meaning she inevitably will at some point.
• Mundane details, blah, blah, blah...
• And we end on the paragraph that's on the back cover of this book.

Janet Lives!

So Marvel recently killed 616!Wasp. It wasn't exactly what you'd call an heroic death. I'm still hoping that I connected the dots correctly, and that Jan'll be back with a new mantle (Hank has her old one, right?) and new explosive powers and... At any rate, I'm disappointed, but what can you do, right?

And even more recently, Marvel offed Ultimate!Jan in the pages of Ultimatum. This (which you'd be wise not to click, but you will anyway) is just wrong. Count the levels! (Thanks to Kalinara for that link, by the way.)

Now, I can't get up in arms about this sort of thing. I've tried. Seriously. A fictional character, one I rather care about, has been stuffed into a miniature Maytag (twice!) and all I can think is that, well, at least she's alive and well in the Marvel Adventures Universe. Which is the Marvelverse that really ought to Count. From here on in, I'll call it the "Yayverse."

See? Yay!Jan is defending Earth against alien invaders in Marvel Adventures the Avengers #26. As Giant Girl, not Wasp, but still.

And she's having a casual lunch with Yay!Ororo in Marvel Adventures The Avengers #30. This issue also introduces Yay!Tigra, and she's treated well. It's awesome.

We even get to see prepowered Yay!Jan in Marvel Adventures Super Heroes #6. Her primary role is to cheer up Yay!Hank.

Yay!Hank needs a lot of cheering up, and that's because he's him. It's not just because of this guy:

Yes! It's Yay!Psycho Man.

Don't get me wrong. Marvel 616 can be a whole lot of fun, and Ultimate Marvel... Well, Ultimate Fantastic Four is an important title to me, and it's better right now than it has been in a long while. It's just that Yayverse titles are the ones I consistently look forward to reading. They are also the ones that consistently deliver fun. And they don't have to kill heroes (or villains) to do it.

Reading Twilight

Reading notes for Chapter 8 ("Port Angeles") of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight:

• High school girls apparently talk about boys to the exclusion of all else.
• And there is drama.
• Boy-related drama.
• Mundane details aplenty.
• So... Let's talk about Cullens!
• The Cullens "go backpacking all the time".
• The mystery deepens.
• No, Bella, the new age bookstore is the one you want. Idiot.
• (Can't go wrong with a new age bookstore in urban fantasy, right?)
  
• A silver Volvo in Port Angeles! Oh noes!
• A scary group of strong men following Bella! Oh noes!
• More scary guys. Triple oh noes!
• Edward swoops in to the rescue!
• Edward fears his temper.
• Edward takes Bella to dinner.
• At an Italian restaurant.
• So I guess garlic isn't an issue.
• Ohh, Edward, you really shouldn't dazzle people so.
• Ohh, Edward, you are so muscular.
• Bella is a "magnet for trouble".
• Duh.
• Meyer has to spell out everything in simple terms.
• That's kind of insulting.
• Edward's stalking Bella, but that's totally okay with her.
• He's mentally stalking her, even.
• Creepy.
• Edward is emo.
• Creepy and emo.
• Dangerous, creepy and emo.
• Don't leave me alone, Bella, or I will kill someone.
• If you don't leave me alone, I may kill you.
• Decisions, decisions.
• After (Bella eats) dinner, they go back to the Volvo, and that's it for Chapter 8.